“BABY FORGET HIM”
by Rowan Vale
BABY
When we were 17 he told me I kissed like an angel
When we were 17 he kissed me the way husbands kiss wives
As if he had memorized my lips and the places where I tucked away all the fear I was hiding
When we were 18 he told me that he was sure he would love me forever
He said “baby, i already know i’m going to love you till the day that i die”
When we were 18 his voice was the only thing that calmed me
When we were 19 he promised that love
To someone else
I hope he loves her with all of him
But part of me still hopes he wasn’t lying
Maybe we could love each other till the day we die
FORGET
I am alone
I am 19 years 11 months and 7 days old and alone in my college dorm room I am forgetting how it feels to be 17 and I hate it
I find myself caught in hour long spaces that feel like minutes
I frantically look out my dark window wondering where the day has gone I am forgetting the laugh of my childhood best friend
I would call her but I have forgotten her number as well
I have forgotten your touch tho I can’t tell if I am better off for it
All I can think is that I want to be home
But I am sure I have forgotten what home means entirely
Is home a place or a feeling or a person
I have looked around and said I so desperately want to go home
while sitting in my own kitchen I forget to take my pill once
Then I forget again
Then all the sudden I can cry again
But my HEART has forgotten how
I wonder how I would feel if you were here
At home?
But you aren’t
And I know that’s for the best
But when it rains
And I miss a pill
I tend to forget
HIM
Your name is changed in my phone
I changed it when I knew I shouldn’t be texting you For some reason it made me feel better about it Texting you felt wrong
So I texted him instead
He responded the same
But he had never hurt me
When he would say a girls name I didn’t have to worry He had never let me cry through a birthday
He was there even on the worst days
He laughed at my jokes and asked about my day He didn’t leave me for her, he stayed
It’s hard to admit that he is still you
That you can do all of that and then be him too
I think that I loved you, I want to love him too
But I know that I can’t, because what you did is still true.
